World Series of Spit

I used to love baseball. I used to play fast pitch softball on a church team. I know all (well most) of the rules. I grew up thinking it was the all American sport. What happened?

I now watch a few professional games through the season. I start to tune up when the pennant races start. I become a real fan again during the world series. But I don’t know how much longer I can stand to watch…

For the pros it has now become the game of spitball!

Gallons of saliva and God knows what constantly spew from their mouths. Along with enough seeds and seed pods to plant an acre of sunflowers. Even bubble gum produces a river that intermitantly spouts from their lips. I guess playing baseball destroys the swallow reflex or reverses it. That may be stomach contents I see erupting every 5 seconds. I have to wonder where it all comes from. I know my saliva glands don’t work that much.

Some of the guys are very professional spitters. They don’t even have to pucker. They just put on a S.E.G. (Shit Eating Grin) and liquid sprays from between the teeth. How do they do that when at bat? I think I would choke when running to first base.

The on-field team never seems to spit much. I assume there must be a cross-league rule that spitting can only be done when you are the “at bat” team, or in the dugout, or the bullpen.

There also must be a broadcast rule that TV cameras only be focused on the really big spitters. On my new HD wide screen I really get the full effect. I also think all those photographers with the great big lenses (in the special on field seats) are there to take “spit shots” of the pro spitters.

Is spitting a sport within a sport or is this what pro baseball has become? What I don’t see much anymore is ballroom adjustments. Maybe spitting replaces that urge…

I don’t know if my stomach can hold out for the full series.

~Dan’l